Things to do in Vancouver when you're sleep-deprived

Holy poutine, Batman! It’s been a busy few days. I’m too tired to craft a coherent narrative so you get a load of bullet points in roughly chronological order:

• You’d think taking a week off to get ready for the trip would have left plenty of time to get everything done and feel serene and mentally prepared for a big trip. You’d think. Getting some trailing-backing coaching from my dad in the Lloyd Elsmore netball courts carpark with a mild hangover was the most relaxing part of the week before we left.

• Packing suitcases sucks at the best of times; packing for 6 months away with kids is double trouble. We went with the approach of not editing; make an emergency dash to Briscoes for more suitcases, and take everything you can. Due to Airpoints timing quirks, we got to take 5 suitcases, and looked stressed enough at check-in that no-one complained that they were all overweight.

• When you get to the airport a bit frazzled, and the lady at check-in casually tells you that you don’t have the visas you need to go to Canada, do you: A) swear a bit while growing some more grey hairs, B) complain pointlessly that you didn’t need a visa in 2013, C) figure out that you can apply online and get them with a 5 minute turnaround, or D) all of the above?

• The flight was pretty good, all things considered. Sure, Kitty got overtired and screamed a little, but less than the baby a few rows ahead. Sure, Mo had a little spew during the turbulence, but less than the girl across the aisle. Everyone got a little sleep, Mo got to watch 173 episodes of Paw Patrol, and we got there.

• It’s awesome to have a friendly face and a helping hand when you get off a long plane ride. Glenn, you are a champ.

• On the one hand, it’s totally unreasonable to expect two small kids not to have their sleeping patterns mucked around by jet lag; on the other hand, AAARGH! It’s 1.30am! Go to sleep! Night one was crappy, night two worse, night three better but the wake-ups were a shambles, and night four it’s 11pm and the 1-year-old is standing up in her travel cot laughing at me.

• Canadian Denny’s, you were just what I needed for a post-flight meal. Your Caesars are not the greatest I’ve ever had, but they were still spicy clamatoey goodness. And country fried steak (roughly translated as schnitzel in KFC batter) is one of the world’s great delicacies.

• We bought a truck. A 2011 Ford F-150, which is comfortably the manliest thing I’ve ever owned (beating a K-Mart screwdriver set and a Ted Nugent CD into lower podium positions).

• Our truck’s pretty choice. But then the engine light went on on Saturday night within 12 hours of purchase. Cue some decent googling detective work, some half-fixes, and then a trip back to the dealer and mechanic first thing Monday morning to get it all sorted (and a hard-to-get part means this has extended into Tuesday morning).

Pineapple yes, spaghetti no

• We had a lovely pizza party at Glenn and Sarah’s. If Onslow the cat is reading, Kitty is sorry she stole all your cat toys and tried to eat your dinner, and Mo is sorry she chased you with a laser pointer and made Glenn put you on a lead.

• We spent most of Sunday at IKEA and then Walmart stocking up on stuff for the van. IKEA is such a genuinely nice shopping experience. Walmart is not terrible, but doing them in that order is like Led Zeppelin opening for the Thursday night Cock and Bull cover band.

• Poutine. So great.

• I had a Beyond Meat burger at A&W (a highly underrated burger chain), which was pretty good. I’ve now tried both the Impossible and Beyond Meat ‘meat’, and they’re both tasty. I could be convinced.

• Canadians are generally such nice, friendly and helpful people. Like NZers with the earnestness turned up to eleven.

• Have you ever seen a giant crow peck its way into a bag of Burger Rings in a Vancouver motel carpark? I have. Sorry Glenn.

• We did our orientation walk-through at the caravan place today and completed all the paperwork. Our trailer seems great, and the TV screen in reception said “Congratulations [Secret Surname] family”, which is another thing ticked off the bucket list.

• The truck trouble has meant we’ve had to tweak our itinerary a little. We’re in a motel with a courtesy car rather than our first RV park with our truck and trailer. Assuming all goes well with the truck tomorrow morning, we’ll pick up the caravan, cross the border and spend our first night in the van in Washington state, back on track with the itinerary.

• I’m slightly concerned the US border agent will think we’re running an international smuggling ring for large suitcases and IKEA kitchenware.

• Touch wood, but the kids have been amazing so far. It’s been a long and tiring and stop-starty few days, but everyone is still smiling. Bribing Mo with donuts from Tim Horton’s has contributed to this success. Bo and I have held it together pretty decently too (see also: donuts).

• It’s cold in BC in April, but in a nice way.

• This whole writing a blog thing (or for that matter the whole reading books, drinking beers, and sleeping things) is going to be hard work if we can’t get the kids to bed at a vaguely decent hour. Kitty is just blatantly mocking me now.

MO’S PLAYGROUND REVIEWS: IKEA has a no-adults-allowed supervised playroom that kids can stay in for an hour. Mo rated the ballpit as top notch, and the chill-out zone with “Minions” on the TV was a nice touch.

BEERWATCH: We’ve been too busy to drink much beer (I know, right?). But G&S had an excellent fridge full of local goodness from breweries where their friends work. You guys have cool friends. My pick was the Main Street Fruit Bomb kettle sour. Bo regarded the Coast Mountain Juicebox sour wit highly [Ed.: I keep telling you to make an orange-based beer!].